Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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