Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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