There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
