do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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