Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
