Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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