So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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