Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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