wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
