So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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