is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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