The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
