he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize