Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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