standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
