I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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