Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
