I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize