I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
