TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
