That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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