Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
