the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
