you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
