I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
