just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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