Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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