I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize