You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you never un-have a 4some
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
