I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
