I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
