I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
no more duck duck goose at the bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
