it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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