i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
