you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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