you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
