have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
