Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
