apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
