He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
