if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
