i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
