first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
