Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
