The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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