You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
