i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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