I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
