Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
