You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
