Did you just see the Batmobile???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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