So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
