Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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