I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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