I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
