The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
