Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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