There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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