i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
