Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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