And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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