Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize