I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
