drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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