you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
