smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
