my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
