Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
