A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
