did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
