I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They took my balls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
