Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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