I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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