I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
