I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
