There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
