it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize