I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
