Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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