Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
