just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
