What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize