somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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