Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
