this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
