I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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