Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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