I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
