Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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