and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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