I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so let's talk penis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
