dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did i walk over a car last night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
