theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
