gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
