i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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