dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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